I need a name ...

Lets start buy saying that its extremely cold outside, and it was snowing, so I haven't left my house in like 3 days. Sometimes doing absolutely nothing is quiet boring, but sometimes its pretty nice. Any how my main concern at the moment is not big but annoying. I need a baby name because I'm tired of calling my son, " the baby" , or " mi gordo", and every time I start looking I get annoyed because the names are really ugly; it irritates me. I have a long way to go but days pass like seconds in the world we live. There is so many things I need to do, and such little time to do it....

Stephanie

Blood Shot red

My eyes are blood shot red,
It started off with only one eye, and progressed to the next
Its like my one diseased eye didint want to be alone and asked for that one final request
Which, didnt leave him clear from the insest because now they were both blood shot red,
you know that feeling where your in so much pain that your heart starts beating faster and faster and you start hearing it out loud,
Sometimes you think that if someone was out to get you they would find you in a crowd
That's the anger and pain building up in your heart
It started slowly and you could barely hear it but it was their from the start
and it cresendoed into such a loud beat that it frightened me
That's when I felt warm tears falling down my dry cold cheek and a loud gasp coming out my mouth
I couldn't stop weeping, my hands began to tremble in desperation and my mind was lost, it was far from my body, it was unknown to existence.
I gazed into your eyes and in the reflection of your glossy black pupil I saw my blood shot red eyes to only remember that I have a mind and a soul, to only remember that their was a reason why I was numb, to only remember the reason. To remember something I didn't want to know. Even sleeping I remember because I feel my blood shot red eyes throbbing and burning like if they were to light on fire. I wake up and they are as red as they were yesterday, only to fill my mind with horrific memories, only to take me back in time. Only to remind me that I won't be able to hide from the truth, that no matter how far I run, I won't be able to hide from reality.

Our baby pictures

These are my and my boyfriends baby pictures, so I am guessing that my son would look something like that when he is born. I still don't have a name for him, I didn't think it would be this hard to find one.

The Ugly Truth

Truth Is I don't like to look back in the past, but that's the only way I understand myself today. Sometimes I wish I could go back and change things but I can't, I just have to look forward and make sure I don't repeat the same mistakes again. I know that when my son is born I will be a good mother, but sometimes I get scared to raise my kid the way I was raised. I don't want this chain of pain to continue on, my mom was raised in a horrid way and she really didn't do a good job with me. I was abused physically and mentally, and its still haunting me today. Although, the relationship between me and my mother has grown, and I forgive her for everything, and regardless of how miserable i was growing up I love her unconditionally. The big problem is that even though my mom is their for me now, its a little too late just because I had to grow up and basically raise myself. Sometimes I wish i could be more outgoing and friendly, and have more friends, but I just shut every one out, and its kinda sad. The last thing I want is to be alone, but sometimes I'm the only one that understands me. I don't care what anyone thinks, your childhood is the most important stage of your life. How can you continue with out a sturdy beginning? Theirs no way in hell my child is going to be like me because I am broken person, that has not yet moved on from the past. I look in the mirror and I see the same little girl with a broken smile, the little girl who had to comb her own hair, talk to herself in the mirror, that little girl who was scared to sleep at night because she knew she would wet her sheets and get beat the next morning. For some reason those memories don't go away...

A bit of me ..

I'm a young girl, who had to grow up faster than most young people. I don't think I ever had a memorable childhood moment, and that is why sometimes I would like to relive my childhood now. I think that I am misunderstood and not easy to read, but once you get to know who I am you realize the beautiful things that come out of my soul. I am 19 years old and I am 5 months pregnant with a baby boy, although this was very unexpected, I am very excited to meet my son. This is my first child, and hopefully my only child.